FROG IN THE TOILET

FROG IN THE TOILET

What is it with dogs that they always chase the things that freak us out the most? 

 Living in Florida there are a wide variety of creepy crawly kind of creatures.  Two things that I just can’t stand to be near are snakes and frogs, both very abundant in this state.  It never ceases to amaze me the folks that say “snakes are good for the environment” this may be so and I do appreciate whatever benefits they may have to offer but that doesn’t mean I have to make nice with them.  There are several poisonous snakes possible to encounter and for those that say they are more afraid of you then you are of them –obviously haven’t seen my reaction to being in the same vicinity with one.  And yes, I have seen the posters about how to tell which is poisonous and which are not – let me make this perfectly clear – I have no intention of getting that close to be able to tell.

The next creepy critter – the Florida FROG!  OK, I am not quite as terrified of frogs as I am of snakes, but they just make me shutter, and some of them look so darn slimy - ewwwww.   So, now that you have a minor introduction let me tell you my story.

My dog Buckeye seems to think that frogs are put here for his amusement and somehow mistakes them for toys.  Every time I let him outside at night to go potty he seems to be able to spot a frog from a mile away.   This frightens me, because some of them excrete a poison that can make him very sick or even kill a dog – this just adds to my disdain for them.  So while he is bouncing up and down (with the frog) trying to grab them with his paws, I am usually screaming on the side lines for him to stop…..nope just like everyone else – he ignores me.  And then that fateful day happened…..

Like usual, Buck is trying to catch a frog – this time a giant bullfrog – and I am trying my best to grab Buckeye before he can actually succeed in his capture.  What I failed to do was close the back door to my house when I went running for Buckeye.  In trying to escape from the dog the frog hopped right into my house.  I freaked!  I went running for a broom or something but I couldn’t find it.  Buck happily followed me thinking I was finally joining in his games but we couldn’t find the frog.  I looked everywhere I could think.  I moved furniture around. I went room to room, but nothing.  Buck followed my every foot step enjoying this new part to his game.  My other two dogs just sat in the living room and stared at the spectacle I made of myself.  They must have found it amusing and were wondering who was jumping higher me or Buckeye?  They made no indication that they had seen the frog, after I started to calm down, I came to the conclusion that the frog must have just hopped out of the house as quickly as it hopped in.  I breathed a sigh of relief and continued with my day.  I kept glancing around to see if I could find the frog – just in case.

Several hours pass, it’s almost time for bed and much to my relief there is still no sign of the frog.   I take my shower, get changed and go to bed.  I finally fall asleep and not soon after of course in the middle of the night I need to go to the bathroom. Half asleep I make it to the bathroom, sit down, feel the relief of making the toilet and not having an accident on the way, hoping not to nod off on the bowl and then it happened.  All of a sudden while I am peeing something slams hard right into my butt. My immediate response was to jump straight up off the toilet, still in mid stream the pee is now spraying all over the bathroom floor and walls–I am completely freaking out looking desperately to see what the hell hit me.  I stare into the toilet bowl only to see that giant frog sitting in the bowl looking up at me and he looked mad.

I peed right on his head and when he tried to escape he crashed into my ass.  As I start to scream – here comes buckeye to my rescue – jack ass dog is the reason this darn thing is in here in the first place. I am not happy to see him either right now – but does he understand –noooooo he thinks I am playing – so as I jump up and down he mimics me jumping up and down. Bad enough to have a frog in my house, and then to have peed on it – the freaking thing jumps out of the toilet covered in pee and is hopping all over my bathroom. I grab for the broom and sweep his slimy ass out the back door – OK it was more like golf clubbing him with a broom but each hop he just made more length of my house to the door.

 

Finally I open the door and get the ugly thing out of my house and as soon as I open the door my dumb dog chases it and tries to grab it and bring it back in the house.  At least he is starting to know when I am upset because my screeching NO!! got him to stop and come back in the house.  Of course not knowing why I didn’t want to play with his new toy that I was so good enough to find for him, he went onto his bed and sulked.  

Good thing I love that dog because he drives me crazy.

What’s that smell???

I am tired and just got home from work.  It was a long day and very hot I really just want to sit down and relax, but the dogs are relentless and want to go out.

So I let them outside, and go sit with them.  They are so cute running back and forth jumping and playing, it really brings a smile to my face and helps me relax just at the sight of the puppy and how well he gets along with my other two dogs.  I wasn’t sure if he was going to be a good fit, but it works.  Look at him on his back in the submission position giving the Alpha dog respect to my 11 pound Pekinese even though he is already 45 lbs and growing. He still thinks she is the boss even though reality wise he could kill her in a heartbeat. I am so glad they get along and he gives her the respect.

Well, that’s enough lets go inside where I can get changed and sit down and relax.  It’s nice and cool inside, and I really just want to put the day at work behind me.

I give the dogs a treat and while they are eating I go change out of my work clothing.

I return and sit down on my beautiful leather sofa. Boy I worked hard to be able to afford this couch but I do love it.  And then it hits me.

You know that smell, the undeniable wish it wasn’t but someone smells like poo. Oh no and all the dogs are sitting on my couch, who is it, who stepped or rolled in it???

I grab the Pekinese (easiest to pick up and bath if needed) nope it’s not her.

Next is the husky (closest sitting to me) and I’m hoping because he is mostly on the floor just his head leaning on the couch – of course it’s not him, that would be too easy.

I look over my shoulder and there he is, Buckeye –wagging his tale and jumping back and forth on my soft leather couch wondering what this new game we are playing is!!??

I grab at him and he realizes it’s not game, so being the typical puppy he gets frightened and startled that I’m not smiling and he pees where he stands…. Which just so happens to be on my leather couch... I feel myself getting truly aggravated now, it was a hard enough day at work and apparently it’s not stopping yet.  I pull him towards me and smell his face, back and neck…nothing and then I see it. He must have stepped on a huge poop pile but the heat of the Florida sun baked it onto his front paw. I might be in luck, it doesn’t seem to be flaking off or leaving any marks, if I can just drag him outside and hose off his paw I might not have to mop my entire house.

So off we go – out the back door, and I hook him onto the leash so he doesn’t run and get into more poop. I grab the hose and start to spray his foot off. Apparently he doesn’t like the sprayer because it’s like some crazy rain dance he is doing to avoid getting hit by the water so I pull him closer and then it happens.

He is a strong boy being mixed Rottweiler and Doberman, 6 months old and 45 lbs, so he yanks himself away from the leash and jumps up hitting me square in the middle of my forehead with his paw…. And yep you guessed it; it’s the paw that stepped in poo.  My attempt to wash off the paw with the hose did nothing but to soften the hard poop making it soft and nasty and there in the center of my forehead was the perfect imprint of a dogs paw….in poop.

This of course sends me into a spin, totally disgusted and freaked out…and then there is buckeye who is excited and thinking my jumping around is a cue for him to jump around and play which he does right at me, hitting me over and over up and down my chest and stomach and pants with poo covered paws… I was now covered head to toe in poop and not happy.

I grab buckeye and pick him up – didn’t matter now, didn’t need to be cautious I was covered in poop already…we walked straight through the house, me sputtering words I would rather not type all the way to the bathroom and my walk in shower.

As I passed the living room there was my best friend sitting on the rocking chair staring at me in disbelief and knowing better then to utter one laugh or giggle.

I went straight into the shower and bathed both of us….. After we were both clean (and I thanked my friend for cleaning up the pee off my couch) I just sat down and laughed. Buckeye gave me a big kiss on the cheek and I sometimes wonder if he even has a clue. But I do have to give him credit; he most definitely got my mind off of my hard day at work.